Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sext me about skeletons
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
