i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drunk is a universal language darling
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
