i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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