Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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