this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
