Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
