idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
