this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
