haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
