Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
