I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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