After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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