Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
