...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
