youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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