i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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