I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am available for nakedness
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
