zippers are such a cool invention
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
