it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
