I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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