Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this will be a night to untag.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
