Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dick has a subreddit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
