sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
