Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
