i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
