it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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