You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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