OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
