I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
