You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
