Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
