i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
