Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
