He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
