On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
