I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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