i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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