She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
