I need help removing her.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
