I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
