and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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