man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
