I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
