Please, let me fuck your mom
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
