The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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