I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
