Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
