She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
