I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is in my trunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
