They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
