id be glad to
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
