I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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