Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
