Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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