I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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