I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
