Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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