So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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